An Autistic Perspective: Death, Dying and Loss is a short book sharing how death, dying, and loss are experienced from the perspective of someone with autism, it explains the observable behaviours, and the thinking behind these behaviours, and what you can do to help the autistic individual to manage these experiencesThe topics of death, dying and loss have interested me since I was a young child. From early on in my life I noticed that people seemed to be uncomfortable talking about these subjects. People would tell me it was morbid, it upsets them, they didn't want to think about it, but to me it was interesting, as it is a part of life that you can't escape. Death, dying and loss will happen to everyone.
In September 2014 my dad died, and then in August 2016, my granddad. People started asking if I was okay and telling me it must be so upsetting, and how sad they felt for me. I realised I didn't think about death in this way. I started to process how I think about death, dying, and loss and realised it could be interesting to people to gain insight into how my mind processes these things. I've had people say that they wish they processed things more like how I do, so perhaps some of this will be of help to people in how they can manage death, dying and loss.
It is important to note that although I am writing about my own autistic perspective that this perspective won't be shared by all people with autism. Everyone, autistic, and non-autistic, thinks differently. I think there are some similarities that most people with autism will recognise, but they may not share how certain traits express for me personally. Hopefully what I share here will also be of help to parents and carers of those with autism giving some insight into the mind of those with autism helping to explain behaviours they may see and some ideas about how best to approach the subjects of death, dying, and loss with those with autism.
In the chapter on loss the main focus is on relationship breakups and on transitions we face, like transitioning from one school to another, or from one job to another, or from living at home to independent living. Although death involves loss and dying involves the awareness that loss will be inevitable, I have tried to keep these areas within their own chapter. In the chapter about dying and death I share about my experiences of people dying and the positive and negative aspects of my way of being in relation to those who are dying, and on death I share about my experiences of death, and how I respond to the death of loved ones.
My hope is that by going into detail in an honest and frank way this will help to give insight into the autistic mind, and how my mind processes these areas of life. Throughout the chapters I will share some tips and ideas that parents, carers, partners or friends can do to help the autistic individual, and to understand them and interact with them in a way that respects their model of the world and way of managing things, even if that is almost an alien way to a neuro-typical individual.
Then in the conclusion chapter I round up the topics of loss, dying and death, and break down the triad of impairments which are the three areas autistic traits fall into for diagnosis, and go through some areas of these which are common among many with autism sharing what you can do to help the person with autism manage loss, dying and death, and I share some of the additional needs they may have and how these can impact on their handling of loss, dying and death.
About the Author: Dan Jones is an author, trainer and speaker with Autism Spectrum Disorder. He offers a unique perspective because most of his career has been working in care or family support work so he has worked with many children and adolescents with autism spectrum disorder and with parents of children with autism spectrum disorder.
Dan is bestselling author of Look Into My Eyes: Asperger's, Hypnosis, and Me which is an autobiography through the lens of autism spectrum disorder, Asperger's Syndrome: Tips & Strategies which shares personal and professional tips and strategies for those with autism, and their parents, carers, teachers, friends, and employers, and An Autistic Perspective: Death, Dying and Loss which shares how Dan processes and thinks about loss, death, and dying, and what people can do to support someone with autism around these topics, and aims to help people understand the behaviours and responses of those with autism when they experience loss, death, and dying.
Dan has also written four books around parenting, Parenting Techniques That Work which is a book of tips and strategies for parents to help them manage challenging behaviour, Sleepy Bedtime Tales which is a book of 11 bedtime stories to be read to young children (aimed at 4-7 year olds, although the approach works with younger and older children) to help them fall asleep, the stories are written to be read in a specific way that helps to guide the child to sleep, almost like guided meditations but stories to engage children rather than walking along a beach or through the woods as you may find in adult books, the follow up book of 11 stories to help children relax, almost like child friendly guided meditations, Relaxing Tales for Children and Human Givens Approach to Working With Parents of Challenging Teens which is a book for professionals in social work or family support roles.