Cadere

They say there is nothing that can truly prepare you for motherhood and parenting,

You can have all the sizes of diapers, copious amounts of Vaseline and the newest bassinets with a one thousand dollar stroller that transforms into the size of an ice cube, fitting nicely into the back of your mini-van - but are you prepared for the stuff you can't predict?

The sleep deprivation? The painful physical ailments like a fourth degree tear from a vaginal birth or a gruelling emergency c-section, cutting through layers to bring your baby into this world? The lack of people who said they would be there, now suddenly replaced by the sound of silence? Or the darkest seasons of the soul as a new mother? A postnatal disorder so beastly, and depraved, it almost takes your life?

Bonnie shares her story on her first-time experience as a mother, suffering with a rare postnatal mental disorder called Postpartum Psychosis and the redemptive story of a better motherhood after intensive psychiatric treatment.

She writes, "What is Postpartum Psychosis? It is a rare postnatal mood disorder, affecting 1-2 in 1000 who give birth. It is a postpartum mental health condition needing immediate medical attention. Those who experience this will experience auditory and visual hallucinations, a distorted sense of reality and can be a harm to others and/or to themselves if not treated. I was one of these mothers. My story is nothing short of a miracle that I am alive today to talk about vulnerably with so many,

I talk about all the events leading up to my motherhood journey, including a devastating head injury I experience in 2012, and the emotions to work through lacking a village, and working through forgiveness without owing anyone a relationship. My story is not just for mothers with this specific condition, but for all mood disorders.

Cadere means "to fall", through an incident or an accident that can result in a form of death. Research shows that Maternal Death rises between 6-9 months and this is exactly when an emergency intervention was needed for me to be alive for my husband of 7 years, and little 8.5 month old at home.

I was in my darkest, and deepest well. Cold, and isolating. But there was a ladder with hands reaching for me. Even when I fell, people who loved deeply, reached for my hands. I'm glad I didn't let go."

Thank you for taking the time to read this little book. Share with someone who is struggling in their deepest wells and darkest seasons of the soul. The goal is to let one mother know they are loved and not alone.

No one could replace you, as a mother. Don't let go.