History is often written by the victors-but wouldn't it be far more entertaining if it were narrated by someone who had a front-row seat to all the chaos, carnage, and catastrophes? Enter me, your devilishly clever guide, here to give you the real story behind humanity's most infamous moments. From Eve's little snack mishap to the Titanic's icy bath, I've been watching-and occasionally stirring the pot.
What's that? You're tired of the same old textbook history, full of dusty dates and sanitized facts? Well, buckle up, because in The Devil's Word on Human History, we're going to dive into all the glorious disasters and shocking twists that got conveniently left out. I'll take you through the Great Flood (a.k.a. God's first rage quit), the First Crusade (holy war or just an elaborate excuse for knights to pillage?), Napoleon's height complex, and the Spanish Inquisition-which, let's be honest, nobody saw coming.
There's the Black Plague, which gave the term "cough it up" a whole new meaning, and Joan of Arc, who found out the hard way that being a cross-dressing visionary in medieval France was a one-way ticket to a bonfire. We'll revel in Henry VIII's marital musical chairs, laugh at the Titanic (yes, I went there), and ponder the truly baffling invention of Bitcoin, where humans decided that imaginary money was somehow a brilliant plan.
And for the grand finale? I'll give you the inside scoop on how the whole world ends-no spoilers, but let's just say it's not going to be as simple as an asteroid.
So, if you're ready to hear the truth-twisted, outrageous, and dripping in sarcasm-grab your pitchfork (or popcorn), and let's get started. History, like you've never heard it before, awaits.
The Devil's Word on Human History: Come for the disasters, stay for the snark.
