Healed with Style and Grace

My past had abuse in it, and no I did not deal with it. I tried desperately to move on and force myself to be ok. However, it continuously came back. Appearing over and over in different ways. It showed up in my romantic relationships, friendships, work, how I dealt with people, etc. At first, I couldn't recognize the situations as extensions of my past. I thought it was just the normal experiences, your typical drama. I couldn't see why I kept having the same types of relations with people or why I continuously ran from situations that required a certain level of intimacy. Then there was paying my dues and working hard but afraid to shine. And finally feeling not good enough to experience greatness. I didn't realize these things were connected to my past. All of these triggers stemmed from feeling not good enough. I learned when things trigger us, its because we battle with some aspect of it and its usually connected to some truth.

My life continuously bought me to the same place. It was like a cycle. Things would be going great then something would happen that would bring me right back to that feeling. It was like something had me stuck. It was like something was in my way preventing me from accelerating-a glass ceiling. I didn't want to feel this way anymore. I am the type of person who gets frustrated with monotony. So I needed to figure out what why I couldn't move forward and what was truly in my way. That roadblock. Why I kept feeling this same old way year after year, situation after situation, time after time. After careful research of me I realized that the opposition that stood eye-to-eye with me all these years, was me. I had been standing in my way.

I had to emotionally deal with my past so that I could finally move on. Once and for good. Finally forgive myself. Learn to love others and myself in a healthy way.

I thought I loved myself enough.

I thought I knew my power.

I thought I was confident.

I thought I trusted myself.

I thought I was truthful with myself.

I thought I had dealt with the deep emotions inside.

I thought wrong. I didn't love me enough to heal me. I decided to put an end to the reoccurring scary dream. Heal that 6-year-old little girl inside from a past of abuse, so that I could move on, and live a purposeful life.