Through the dual lenses of the child who lived it and the therapist healing from it, this intimate memoir traces the devastating impact of intergenerational trauma, ultimately showing us how to transcend our own lineages and transform our lives.
Suzanne spent most of her life hating her narcissistic mother and trying not to. Now a Harvard-trained psychologist, she grew up desperate to be seen, taken seriously, and chosen over her mother's next drink. Every day felt like a battle for her existence, and she always lost. Each loss was a paper cut, painful and invisible. The cuts evolved into a festering wound that engulfed her and shaped who she became.
Trying to be worthy, lost behind her perfect, people-pleasing smile, Suzanne hid sexual abuse, bullying, a violent boyfriend, and most of herself. And then she made a decision that changed everything. Slowly, she learned how to create a life centered on her, not on her shame or pain of being her mother's child.
After her mom died, Suzanne was able to see how their shared lineage of pain had robbed her of the mom she needed and nearly robbed her of herself. She discovered the brute-and brutal-power of the wounds her mother passed down, and she finally understood why she had never been enough.
Suzanne's story bears witness to any child who was disregarded and lights the path to healing. The psychological wisdom she weaves throughout her story shows us how our parents hurt us, how that hurt shapes us, and how we can reshape ourselves. Her experience-based description of the mother wound validates not only her pain, but ours. This is so much more than a memoir - it's a guidebook to becoming an active creator in your life, living with less pain and much, much more fulfillment.
I Hate You (A Love Letter to My Mother) is a love letter to all of us. It was written for anyone on their own journey of understanding and changing their relationships with their parents and themselves.
