When John Lennon declared in 1966 that the Beatles were more popular than Jesus Christ, teenagers and twentysomethings of the baby boomer generation nodded in agreement and turned a cynical eye toward their parents, who believed otherwise, of course. Scott Stone, in his book, It's a YAD, YAD, YAD, YAD World, suggests that this breach contributed to the infamous "Generation Gap" which resulted in many boomers viewing with cynicism the opinions and practices of their parents. This moved boomers to later adopt a "helicopter" parenting style with their own children, a pattern of micromanagement that valued love and honesty above all else, while trying to protect their offspring from the frailties and evils of the world. Fast forward to today, where recent economic conditions and other social circumstances have driven those children to return home to live with their parents as young adult dependents-or YADs, an apt coinage by the author. Many have moved back to the sanctuary of their childhood bedrooms, emerging only to clean out the family cupboards and camp out on the living room sofa, playing video games, texting, and hogging the flat-screen TV instead of making their way in the real world. Stone explains why boomers must accept partial responsibility for what he calls the infestation of YADs in their homes. Their doting parental style contributed to their children's dependence, and the technology-dominated society in which they've been immersed since birth has further isolated them from the world's realities, making many of them poor communicators. They certainly aren't listening to their parents' message to get on with their lives outside of their childhood homes. Through scholarly investigation as well as historical and personal anecdotes and pop culture references, Stone shares with his fellow boomers both relevant context and useful recommendations for dealing with the YADs in their homes, all presented in a sharp, tongue-in-cheek writing style. Note his three cardinal rules for dealing with YADs: - Don't Ignore. Stone believes that ignoring these young adults will create a situation in which no one feels comfortable speaking about the larger issue of dependence, thus creating bigger problems in the future. - Don't Force. The author quotes Newton's third law of motion: "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." He puts forth that pressing YADs in one direction will likely result in them going in the other. Alternative communication tactics include the use of leading with noncontroversial statements, conceding as many points as possible if the argument is not working, and saying nothing to get the reluctant YAD to say something. - Don't Give In. Stone admits this is the hardest rule to follow, but warns that if parents don't, they face losing control over their households. Here he paraphrases Sun Tzu, the famous Chinese general and author of The Art of War: "The clever parent imposes his will on his children, but does not allow the children's will to be imposed on him." Those who find themselves in the same position that the author once did will appreciate his advice on how to gently but firmly get rid of YADs before it's too late-and parents become reliant on seeing life through their children's non-cynical eyes and open-minded perspectives. Readers will also find interesting his look into the future of how millennials in general may approach parenthood. Will 9/11 be their Pearl Harbor, as some believe, resulting in their parenting style resembling that of their 'Greatest Generation" grandparents more than that of their boomer parents? And whom will their children take after?
About the Author: Scott Stone has three children, ranging in age from twenty-four to thirty. He speaks from experience in It's a YAD, YAD, YAD, YAD World, having had each of them return as adults to stay in the family home for an extended period of time. His family has lived all over the United States, which has exposed Stone to wide-ranging experiences with people from all walks of life-many of whom have shared their own stories of the YADS in their lives. In addition to writing, Stone works as a management change consultant, following a long career as a senior executive with multinational firms. He received his undergraduate degree in journalism and worked at several newspapers before earning an MBA and joining the corporate world. He and his wife make their home on an island off Virginia's Eastern Shore.