"...if I was to tell you what this book is about - it is a journey of the mind in search of freedom, through darkness and through light, a descent into madness and beyond..."
FROM THE FOREWORD
This is a collection of poems that I've written over the course of the past 15 years. I didn't consider them art then and I don't consider them art now. None of them was a result of some sudden burst of creativity, nor were they designed to impress or fascinate.
They were more a result of my thoughts and feelings, some of them motivated by specific events in my life, that at a given moment ripened and I just needed to write them down. This purpose may be seen as therapeutic, it may be seen as many different things, but I know that I did it because I just had to. And by embellishing my thoughts and feelings by making them into a form of a poem, I felt that I had somehow reached a certain milestone in my journey through my life and my mind. But then again - what is art if not unbridled expression of emotion untainted with purpose and expectation?
There is one thing that I always promised myself, and to my thoughts and my feelings - to always be honest to myself, no matter how painful, shameful, disturbing or repulsive my thoughts and feelings may be. And this same honesty I intended to abide by in my writing as well. If I ever wrote anything where I felt that I wasn't being honest with myself - I would erase everything I wrote that day and start over. Only then when I knew that I said exactly what I felt and meant - only then would I be satisfied. One would think that this kind of honesty comes easily or naturally, but I have discovered that the purpose of the mind, something that it's very good at, is to deceive itself.
Therefore, the honesty I speak of is the one that is attained in spite of the mind, not because of it. That has been my lifelong struggle, and I have won.
On my journey through my life and my mind, I have faced all possible facets of the human mind, and I can truly say that if I was to tell you what this book is about - it is a journey of the mind in search of freedom, through darkness and through light, a descent into madness and beyond into a consciousness, or better to say lack thereof, that opened my eyes to an experience of life so profound that even if I tried writing about it till the end of my days - I could not find he words to describe it.
Some of the poems I tried to express through painting as well, and I painted on the walls of my room with water paint. I never really felt that the paintings expressed as much as my words did, but I liked them anyway. Some of these paintings are included in this book, including the cover, however the walls where they used to reside have been repainted long ago.
The symbolism in my writing, and in my life, was always important to me and still is. You will find references to many different motifs, religious and philosophical in a lot of the text, however, I would very gladly have you see beyond the symbolism and grasp an idea unblemished by stereotypes. I would also like you to see beyond conventional meanings of words as well. But at the very end - I leave it to you, dear reader, to read this book in any way that you please. Freedom is the overarching theme in all my writing and should also be in your interpretation of it.
As I've written in the introduction to the original version of "Mental Eclipse" that was never published:
"Behold this book of visions. Look beyond mere words, for they are only carvings in stone of a sculpture uncompleted. One's eyes will not suffice, to see the darkness contained herein."
