Some say Gretyl is loud, hairy, and obnoxious. Others are less complimentary.

Buckle up for a comedic rollercoaster ride, with bad wigs, waxing disasters, holiday scams, a deluded hitman, lust, arson and murder.

After fifty years of marriage, Gretyl Trollop is thinking of a new life, somewhere hot. Her husband, Albert, is thinking of the crematorium. She's thinking of stuffing herself in a bikini. He's thinking of a taxidermist. The Londoners continue their separate lives until a mysterious letter turns their world upside down.

In Essex, Dave and Sharon Soddall are struggling on benefits and looking for a get-rich-quick solution. With the help of a devious financial advisor, they concoct a plan and 'Costa Soddall Travel' is born.

Will the Soddalls pull off the con of a lifetime? Can Gretyl be silenced? Will Albert end up missing Gretyl?

'A funny, well-observed romp of a book - fast-moving, highly comic scenarios are peppered with big characters. And an ogre at the centre of it (not a real ogre, like in Harry Potter, but then there's no such thing as a real ogre - this is such a thing as a real Gretyl, which is scarier). It's fun and funny.' Paul Kerensa (comedian & scriptwriter for TV sitcoms, incl. 'Miranda' and 'Not Going Out')

'Congratulations on your success. I can see why Gretyl has become so popular... I'm sure I'll see 'Gretyl' on the screen some time in the future.' Richard Boden (Director/Producer: The IT Crowd, Blackadder Goes Forth, The Life of Riley)

'I loved it! It was like Carry On meets Only Fools and Horses...' Kate Beth Heywood (author)

'You know you're onto a good thing when the novel you start is hard to stop! When you look forward to the next time you can pick it up and get a bit more of the story...when you're a bit miffed to find you've got to do stuff like work, eat, feed your children and even go the loo, as it means you have to put the book down...then the novel has done its job. And this novel does its job very well; the characters are endearing, the plot intriguing and the overall result - pleasing. Go read it!' Annie Porthouse (author)

'A rollicking, rip-roaring novel crammed with larger-than-life characters, Missing Gretyl offers lively action, Rabelaisian dialogue, and ribald humour, barely concealing a story with a warm heart and a moral core.' Sue Russell (author)

'The storyline has enough twists and outright laughable moments to keep any reader sniggering along. The plot flows successfully through several unanticipated episodes, and on to a somewhat unforeseen yet satisfying ending. Missing Gretyl is a well-written comedy of events that treats even the coarsest of subjects with flair... The author has succeeded in turning everyday life into a hilarious page-turner.' Jo Rodrigues (author)

'I was gripped... Great characters, well written and very entertaining! I highly recommend this book!' Nicky Reid (author)

'I didn't want it to end... Some magnificent, larger-than-life characters in the best traditions of Tom Sharpe and a skilfully-contrived plot to draw them all together, but best of all an overall feeling of warmth, chaos and hilarity that reminded me strangely of A Confederacy of Dunces. Very funny and highly recommended.' Joel Hames-Clarke (author)

'The plot twists like a North Circular underpass, combining elements of farce, Stepford Wives, the Costa-del-Sol ex-pat English underworld of gangsters, fraudsters and hit-men ... And through it all strides the eponymous heroine, huge, ungainly and yet somehow, eventually, sympathetic.

Gretyl is too powerful a creation to avoid reincarnation, so I anticipate further adventures of that amazing lady.' Dr Ken Baker (author)
About the Author:

Si Page was born in Romford, Essex in 1970 and grew up with a love of football, films, frolicking and females (the priority of the four 'F's reversed during his late teens).

After attending three different secondary schools, Si decided it was a waste of time taking his GCE exams and bunked off to head for the workplace via the YTS scheme. Earning little more than twenty-something quid a week and a clip round the ear for cutting carpet 'very wonky', Si set off in search of new horizons.

He describes the next ten years of his working life in grim fashion: 'I worked as a telesales 'thingy' (ew), vending machine salesman (spit), insurance clerk (snore), debt collector (ouch), recruitment consultant (liked that one) and a mortgage broker (worked for sharks and didn't last long).'

Things drastically changed in 1996, when Si decided to study for a B.A. Hons. Theology Degree somewhere outside of Essex, in a strange land called 'The North'. Things were reportedly so bad 'oop North', that Si fully expected to be living among whippet-racing peasants dressed in shell suits and living off a diet of mushy peas.

Si heard about something called the North-South divide and mistook it for the Northern and Southern Hemispheres. He reasoned that pollution due to population density must have been the reason for the shorter lifestyle amongst the race of Northerners, and not just the peas.

After a car journey up the M6 motorway to a grassy dwelling called Cheshire, Si survived three years of student life, avoiding Sudden Death Syndrome by refusing to eat the carcasses cruelly served up in the college canteen. He finished his degree in 1999 and until 2007 he worked as a Reverend in the North West of England - Merseyside and Lancashire. Amongst more sophisticated company, he would like to point out that he resided a few miles away from two world class golfing resorts - the first near Royal Birkdale, and the second, a few cosy miles from Royal Lytham.

Si has since been involved in a number of creative projects, including an Oscar-nominated short film called 'Most'. He has of course, written several hilarious books. First, this comedy novel, 'Missing Gretyl' (also a screenplay) and the second, a parody and satirical work on David Cameron, called 'The Inside Scoop: The Secret Journal of a Prime Minister.'

Totally dedicated to writing these days, Si has taken his classroom humour and workplace banter to write funny, challenging and original drama.