Divorcing a narcissist? You are probably left feeling baffled and shaken by the communication that you receive from the narcissist. In my mid-twenties, I contemplated learning multiple foreign languages. I envisioned dabbling in French to successfully make my way around Paris or Irish Gaelic to explore the rich history of Ireland along with my deep ancestral roots in that country. My day dreams about learning new languages always went hand in hand with the imagery of world travel. The thought of exploring exotic and old world places far away from home intrigued me. My mind summoned several foreign adventures, but never did I think I would need to learn a foreign language to navigate my own life. In 2008, I heard the words, "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" (NPD) to describe my then-husband, Seth. It took a couple years for the reality of those three little words to really sink in. Looking back, the red flags had been waving in the wind since our very first date. Those flags grew taller and more vibrant in color during our marriage. As it turns out, those same red flags that had been lining my path for years were dipped in a highly flammable mixture of kerosene. I realized the danger only when they exploded near the end of my marriage. Like any unexpected explosion, I was unprepared and left nursing deep, emotional, third-degree burns. In my research, I discovered a new language which took quite a bit of studying and insight on NPD to understand. As it turns out, the reason that I was so bewildered by Seth's communication style was that we were speaking completely different languages. I spoke the English version of "human" while he was speaking the non-human "Narc-ish." I am convinced there is a Narc-ish dictionary or manual hidden deep in a dark, musty hole somewhere in a faraway land with step-by-step instructions on how to inflict fear, confusion and despair. From this land, narcissists hail. Their secret language can only be decoded by those who aren't fooled by the narcissist's stealth ability to inflict confusion and chaos with it. My computer has a feature that allows me to translate most languages. However, this particular area of my life requires technology that is a bit savvier. Need is the catalyst of industry: and I was in need of a device to decipher Narc-ish. So, I invented one. I call it the "Narc Decoder" and have made life-altering good use of it. The good news is, everyone has access to the Narc Decoder because it is a machine that I am honored to replicate and share with anyone who is forced to communicate with a narcissist. Once you understand how to use the Narc Decoder, your life will change for the better. You will become empowered and will regain your voice. Over time, you will begin to find humor in the communication style that once left you on your knees begging for mercy.
About the Author: Tina Swithin survived a Category Five Life Storm and took shelter by writing her first book in 2012 titled, "Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom's Battle." In 2014, Tina wrote her second book, "Divorcing a Narcissist: Advice from the Battlefield" and her third book, "Divorcing a Narcissist: Rebuilding After the Storm" followed shortly after. Tina has dedicated her life to Family Court advocacy and helping those involved in high-conflict custody battles. Tina's internationally recognized blog, "One Mom's Battle" was turned into a 501(c)3 non-profit organization in 2015 and she currently serves on the Board of Directors. In addition, Tina has created a private, membership-based forum, "The Lemonade Club," for those fighting to protect their children from personality disordered individuals. Each year, Tina holds a retreat called "The Lemonade Power Retreat" for those rebuilding their lives in the aftermath of a high-conflict divorce. Tina has become a voice for change in the Family Court System after seeing the flaws first-hand. Tina believes that the courts have lost sight of their primary focus, which should be the best interest of the child and instead, are focusing too heavily on parental rights. Tina is working to raise awareness of the issues in the Family Court System and to educate the general public on Cluster B personality disorders. High conflict divorces are on the rise and the children are suffering unnecessarily due to the lack of education on the front lines-and behind the judicial bench. In the past, Tina has been awarded honors such as the "Top 20 Professionals Under 40" and the "Top 40 Professionals Under 40" in several regional California newspapers. Tina has appeared on shows such as "Dr. Carole's Couch" and on Huff Post LIVE. Tina's work has been featured in outlets such as Glamour Magazine, SF Gate, Examiner, LA Parent Magazine, About.com, Yahoo, Huffington Post and the Washington Times. All of Tina's books have garnered 5-star ratings with hundreds of reviews on Amazon. In her spare time, Tina writes for the Huffington Post Divorce where she delves into the tricky world of divorcing a narcissist. Tina resides in San Luis Obispo, California with her husband, two daughters and Standard Poodle, Pixie.