Paint the Sunrise

We live in a world of false pretense. We walk amongst each other pretending we are "ok" and have risen above the things that impede our happiness, and refute judgement. The truth is we are all humans. We are subjected to circumstances that are incomprehensible, and at the end of the day - we all seek out the opportunity to be understood. The details found within these pages aren't meant to solicit sympathy, or even understanding. But more to offer the reality to those who feel isolated and compartmentalized from the rest of the world, a moment of solace. You won't relate to everything written here. But without a doubt, you will be provoked to consider your own circumstance in a different light. Even though I play June 22 over and over and over in my mind, it comes in short bursts of intensity, like lightning in a desert thunder storm. I find myself completely detached from reality for a few moments, just long enough to paint the image, and send me reeling.... I remember every detail; each one burned into me like a brand I can't wash away. Things that shouldn't have any significance are now the things that threaten to destroy my life daily. Paint the Sunrise is a gripping story of tragic loss, overwhelming grief, and learning to live again. In sharply written detail, author Carrie Mae Messerly recounts the harrowing circumstances of a preventable automobile accident that claimed the life of her four-year-old son, Koley, when he was killed just four feet in front of her. In striking, direct prose, the book brings to life the horrible moments of this traumatic event and her experiences in its aftermath. Deeply personal and excruciatingly honest, Paint the Sunrise catalogues a succession of reactions and emotions, from intense mourning, numbness, physical deterioration, condemnation, guilt, and hate, as it resounds with grief and pain unimaginable to most individuals. Carefully crafted to focus on Messerly's direct personal experience rather than the grief of others, Paint the Sunrise adeptly masks private details and limits the interactions of outside characters in order to protect them and remain respectfully discrete. As such, this arresting narrative mines the terrain of the most personal feelings-her loss, her pain, and the ways in which she chose to deal with it and move forward. The result is a haunting and brave book in which nothing is left unsaid. Interspersed are highly personal reflections and observations on the nature of motherhood, the bond between parent and child, the meaning of family, and the providential quality of God. These revelatory passages offer counterpoint and contrast to the searing emotion that punctuates the tale of the author's journey toward being able to engage with life again. Images simple and poetic, such as a perfect blue sky dappled gracefully with weightless clouds overhanging a delicate path through a field of pristine flowers, resonate all the more deeply, given the broader tragic context in which they are set. In this light, the book is not merely a true story, but it is equally the author's spirit and soul reflected in print. Paint the Sunrise maps a desolate mental and spiritual landscape that, fortunately, most readers will never have to personally endure. The author's story illustrates an emotional pendulum, as she, through open communication, brings forward feelings and realities that are consuming and overwhelming. It is her hope that this book will engender empathy and a sense of humanity in others who are facing their own battles, and that readers will be able to extrapolate the sincere honesty in the barrage of emotions she presents and ultimately see that these are inherently normal in all humans. Ultimately, Paint the Sunrise will exemplify hope for those who are suffering loss or heartache, as it serves as the author's tribute to her beautiful son.
About the Author: My name is Carrie Mae. I am the mother of two beautiful children, Weston and Kole. In 2011, I was faced with the catastrophic loss of my son, Kole, in a preventable auto/pedestrian accident, four feet from where I stood. Incapacitated with grief and mourning, I was forced to find new means of survival, and redefine "normal." I consider this memoir to be a direct representation of my broken heart in print, but more importantly the many hard steps I had to take in order to emerge on the other side. I hold a Master's degree in Education, and own and operate a successful internet marketing firm. I have found a way to live. Sunrise is a tribute to my beautiful son and the fulfillment of a promise I made to him on the day he died. I personally aspire that my story will exemplify hope for those who are battling their own trials.