Tales from the Land of Lyoness

The Land of Lyoness was a happy land................ In theory it was ruled by an enlightened Royal family, in truth the people accepted them purely for their entertainment value. The bureaucrats who administered to the country's needs were considered essential by the population. Not only too inept to collect taxes and enforce laws, but also government service was the best way to keep your mackerel -brained son out of the family business! Education was considered optional, no one was keen to see knowledge get in the way of a really good time. Lyoness essentially was a safe place. The giants had departed, advised by their doctors to find a place that did not serve Lyoness extra strong ale. The dragons had given up in their quest to find a virgin, and had flown East. Only the Trolls remained, but as they were such good miners, their occasional raids on goat herds was accepted. Although all drew the line at listening to them sing! If power lay anywhere it was with the First Minister; whenever the people dropped themselves deep in the dragons' doo-doo, it fell to him to dig them out. The people of Lyoness were experts at finding piles of dragons' doo-doo!
About the Author: Born in London 1952, Alan and family moved to Kent before he was two. Here he enjoyed for eight years the idyll which is the garden of England. An accidental grammar school boy, who drifted through 5 years of education, before the Head Master suggested that it was time to leave with the few meagre qualifications he had obtained. At that point one might say he discovered his true talent, selling. Few people held out when his ready smile and flawless sales pitch was turned on them. Yet something was amiss, Alan found selling just too easy and constantly mentally constructed stories to relieve the tedium of getting people too buy things they did not really want or need. Only a move to Cornwall and the discovery of abc spell check, some 40 years later, released him to explore his writing ability. In 2003 I moved to Cornwall not expecting this relocation would incarcerate me in the Land of Lyoness and its inhabitants' bizarre escapades. The house I purchased had been built in 1889, a gentleman's town house for Richard Trevilian-Prod R.A.. During renovations we found in the cellar a battered metal chest. Perhaps I should have left it unopened, perhaps I should have burnt it, I didn't! Forcing open the lid my brain was assailed by an army of voices, screaming to be heard and their tales told. Reeling under attack, I managed to lift and open one of a number of black leather bound books. Inside in fine script was written, 'Diary 1 of Lyoness, by The First Minister.' Underneath, 'Zennor protect me from this bunch of gull brained misfits!' Each diary carefully chronicled the people and their antics. It was clear that none of them would be silenced. Each assailed my mind demanding that their tales were told, as in truth they assured me, 'it was not my blogging fault'. For sceptics who do not believe that Lyoness existed, I can point to some robust, and undeniable facts. Although submerged by the sea, no less an historian and all round expert, Lord Alfred Tennyson wrote of Lyoness. He claimed with certainty, 'It would rise again in time to consume the Knights of the Round Table.' Fishermen evidence a ship which appears off Sennen Cove, making a loud 'whooping' noise, predicting foul weather. It is called 'The Bloated Serpent, ' and has saved countless seafarers' lives. Finally, we can know that the location of the City of Lyoness was 50.103N, 6.100W. Whilst underwater the position is known as 'The Town' by Cornish men, and avoided at all costs!