Wake In Life Looking For God

This book is illustrated using more than seventy pictures that I created during the past twenty years. I discovered one day that I was manifesting in a reality of atoms, that I did not create, as a conscious self-aware human experiencing life through perceptions created by cognition using a body-brain. The human was living machine made of atoms that it seemed I controlled using just my thoughts. I became curious about existence and explored the reality of atoms using my thoughts. My life is not like yours. I began life in a slightly used 14-year-old body. The body and its former consciousness fell through a false floor of leaves at a cliff edge onto rocks some 40 feet below. It was 1964. Science had yet to fully understand head trauma and Temporal Lobe Epilepsy. The body survived. The consciousness, the personality called Tom did not survive. I am what emerged. A consciousness with a personality that other humans called Tom. Unlike the original, I did not get the training typical of a newly emerged human consciousness. Everyone assumed I knew all those things. I didn't. I was a child in a 14 year old body. Nobody knew that including me. Much the same as any child with an emergent consciousness takes years to develop, it would take me years to develop my sense of self. I had no way to know what I didn't know. I read books, dictionaries, and encyclopedias. Regardless of what I read, I still did not know better despite being constantly reminded that I should know better. It would take six years for me to learn that I have no memories before age 14. This book is my story told in two parts. The first part is told as it happened without knowing how it might end. The second part is looking back and knowing what happened. My life and experiences may seem unbelievable or the result of an over-active imagination however, they are just as real as the flowers, the trees, the humans, and all the other things I have known in this reality. While looking for God, I discovered an unknown and unknowable thing. It seemed to be an artifact that was designed for some purpose, that somehow involved me.
About the Author: Cognition after his fall was tenuous. The projector was not working and his lens was cloudy. He loved music and story telling and especially mathematics. Nine years later (1972) he was living in LA when he discovered writing as a form of expression. He became fascinated with metaphors and wordplay as tools to communicate concepts. He wrote just as prodigiously as he composed and played music-a new story or reflection every day. He worked as an engineer and technician where he further developed his math and conceptualization skills. When he wasn't playing music, he was writing stories. In 1977, while unemployed, he discovered acrylic painting and soon was doing a piece every day or so. He found another job in hi-tech working for a super computer manufacturer as a hardware engineer and technician. He continued to play and perform music, and would write when there was nothing else to do. He discovered digital art and learned programming. He created unique specialized computer hardware at his jobs. It was 1988, the beginning of Flicker Light(TM) Studio and the music project Tryst. By 1992 personal computers could do 2D and 3D art very slowly. A 320x240 image was huge and animations were 80x60. Before the Internet existed there were USENET Groups and some allowed the posting of images. The Internet and html allowed him to create and publish his art and stories. In 1994 and everything changed. He used TrueSpace for 3D modeling, rendering and animations. Painter was his 2D tool as well as Photoshop. It was all version 1.0 software back then and it crashed often. Bryce 2.0 for the PC was great except it crashed even more often. He created and published several thousand digital art pieces between 1992 and 2008. Many of his early images only exist on the web, the originals lost long ago. Between 2008 and 2014 he was on a hiatus. He spent his time polishing his lens. It was a time to wonder and not-do. In October 2014 he had an event that caused a full reboot of his operating system. He discovered he has never had an original thought. It's the dreams, the stories, the memories that some God left behind that he transforms into art.