Most people would assume there must be something wrong with a mother who loses custody. That's because the public is largely unaware of research that proves family courts get a large majority of abuse cases dangerously wrong. Most cases are settled more or less amicably so the problem is the 3.8% of cases that require trial and often much more. A large majority involve domestic violence in which the worst abusers manipulate courts to regain control when their victims try to leave. The courts developed practices to respond to domestic violence in the 1970s at a time when no research was available. Subsequent research establishes that most of the standard practices work poorly for children. Many professionals benefit financially from the outdated practices and courts have been reluctant to examine long-time practices for fear of admitting how many children they have harmed. Scientific research is now clear that standard practices tilt courts towards disbelieving and minimizing true reports of abuse. The failure to integrate current research makes it hard for judges to protect children and a recent U.S. Department of Justice study demonstrates the courts are getting a large majority of abuse cases wrong. In this book, Ruth Collins illustrates how these failures impact real people. I hope the knowledge will make it intolerable for the public to look away while family courts allow abusers to destroy so many lives. Barry Goldstein, domestic violence author, speaker, and advocate There is a special beauty and importance to relationships between mothers and their children; there is a special and extraordinary cruelty in the abusive man who attempts to break or weaken the mother-child bond, whether by turning children against their mother, by harming the children physically, sexually or psychologically, or by attempting to take custody of the children away from her. Protective mothers are some of our society's most invisible and most important heroes, even while they are treated so often, in a bitter irony, as villains. Lundy Bancroft, domestic violence expert, author, and advocate
About the Author: Ruth Collins lives with her supportive husband and family cat. Ruth and Joseph take turns reaching out to Amber and Matthew, hoping to build a bridge toward becoming a family once again. In the meantime, they spend their leisure time volunteering and traveling the world. It is their hope that this memoir becomes a healing agent for those who have suffered from any form of trauma or abuse. Ruth firmly believes that in our collective storytelling, our souls begin to heal. Her newest motto - inspired by Maya Angelou - is, "After you heal, go out and support another person's healing. Collectively, we have the power to heal not only ourselves but also our world."